For some reason, im not asleep yet. And it's 3+ already. How cool can that be ! Anyway, today was suppose to be a study day. BUT. Ended up meeting aaron, daniel, joel and lutfi at lot one for spiderman3. Quite an awesome movie but it's expected to be this way. I'll definitely rant on my blog if it falls below my expectation.

Went back home after the movie cause it's mother's day and im expected to eat dinner at home. So yea, delicious dishes for dinner. Then went to bath and watched tv till around 9+ . On my lappy and came online. Opened up my document for my homework. And guess what ! From 9+ till now, i din touch my work. Instead, im busy chatting at msn.

SOMEONE MUST BE SWEARING AND CURSING WHEN HE READS THIS LOL. cause i said that i'll be doing my work at 12+. Somehow, i just lack the motivation that you have. Doing all the work at weekends and then you can relax during weekdays. I always told myself that. But somehow i just can't fulfil it. It's making me feel quite irritated with myself. And i feel sucky right now. zz.

Motivation, i just can't seem to find it. Lets say not only motivation for studies, but again , what's my motivation for being alive. What do i actually seek and what do i actually live for ? I wish i can probe more into this issue and find the reason for it. But it seems hardly possible. I shall not continue any further lest i get myself all emo and fcuk up once again. Screw my thoughts, screw my emotions. I wanna be nonchalant, i wanna be.. Someone else.

Nastiness, nastiness come to me. Bestow me, change me. Give me the feelings, the abilities, to change. Into the kind of person i wanted to be, not this loser typing all this.

Yours, Ray..3:00 AM